The year that was
Written on 1/06/2008 08:00:00 am by Swift!
It’s a bit too late for my reflections on the past year, but I am doing it now coz I didn’t have net access and as I was very busy.
Its 2008. What did 2007 mean to me ? Nothing. On retrospection I feel actually there is nothing for me to cherish. Neither did I gain anything worthwhile nor did I lose anything. It was pretty ordinary. If at all there was anything I could say I achieved, it was my first job (back in march). And that was the only night perhaps this year that I was really happy. The day before, I was almost broken after yet another interview (I had miserably failed in a series of interviews by then) and suddenly everything changed. Maybe it is not a great achievement but it was the only day this year that I was happy from within.Yes the only day perhaps.
What else did I do? Maybe another achievement was being the Secretary of my Dept. It was something I did not want to be. Someone actually cheated me into becoming the Secretary and for a long while I kept myself aloof from any activities coz I was very angry. Back in school I had been School leader twice but here I never felt like doing anything. And I did not do anything unless I was forced to. The farewell given to our seniors was the first time in our dept. that the Association was giving a farewell to the outgoing batch. And I did not do anything other than routine work. Then came Onam celebrations, yet another ‘first’ in terms of the “change” in style. But still I hadn’t done anything! I was just forced to. My soul wasn’t in anything. Then came Mini Project exhibition, Freshers and some technical events. All were pretty decent…Yes that’s all. Just ok. Not anything more. I never enjoyed doing anything. Never had I wanted to be anything.
The only regret I have during my term is Dhyuthi. I did not work for it. I had my own justifications but what I did was not right.
Then came Christmas. Organising Christmas celebrations…Yet another combined event for perhaps the first time. Actually I was all alone for most of the time. I couldn’t even find my classmates. And to make it worse there were a lot of problems right from the start. But this time I started enjoying my work. I feel I worked really well. My calculations, estimations and intuitions for the event were perfect. Actually I was very much impressed with myself (and a bit proud!). On the day I was doing fine and everything went on fine and I was happy. Everyone was enjoying. The work was hectic as well and I got exhausted at the end of the day. And I made my first stage appearance (a brief one) in years! After joining engineering I had never been on stage, deliberately. I avoided every possibility and delegated the work to someone else, though I could do it, because I did not want to!
But at the end of the day everything was not happy. Towards the end I realized the hollowness within. Suddenly the no. of people who knew me had increased manifold coz of my activities but then something made me realize that the no. of people who understood me had shrunk at the same rate. The whole class was celebrating, but I did not go that way, I actually went to my room and almost cried. Happily enough no one missed me. When the program was over I came back. Just kept smiling. No one knew anything. Left Thrissur asap. Broken-hearted.
Now why am I saying all this? My term as the Secretary ended a couple of days back. And Christmas celebration was (I didn’t know then) the last event in my Secretaryship. Well everything’s over. No achievements, though it wasn’t bad all together either. It was the best thing that happened to me in this college. I became something which I never had thought/wanted to be. And it’s all over.
I also did my seminar during the same time. When the day arrived I was perfectly under-prepared. But once on stage I decided to face it. Only I knew my preparation level, but given that I had did very well, especially in terms of presentation (yeah the content was pathetic though I loved my topic).
So how’s 2008. A brand new Roshan. Someone asked me ‘ninakithu enthu patti’. How did you change? Have I changed? Actually I had changed when I lived in this college. But no one asked me then ‘what happened to you’?
My new year resolutions:
I will be selfish.
I will (re)start learning guitar (seriously).
I will learn cooking(Now I fell it’s great)
And as usual…I will be serious in my studies.
